What to do when your heart breaks?

So, what do you do??

You pray, you trust, you lean hard into God...

We are in the waiting moments of seeing my Grandmother off to Glory. How do you say 'good-bye' to someone you love? How do you go on when they won't be there to share life's up and downs? How do you explain to your children who ask 'Why is God taking Grandma away?'

These are the times of life I wish I had all the answers to all the questions...but, I don't.

I don't really know how you say 'good-bye.' I said my goodbye to my dear, sweet Grandma on the phone. I told her how much I loved her, how much I looked up to her, how much my children love her...I told her that Kaitlyn, her first great-grandchild, was being baptized on Sunday -- she smiled they tell me...I just couldn't say anything else, but I love you, over and over, and over.

I did my best in my humanness and lack of understanding try to explain to my girls that Grandma had finished what God asked her to do and it was time for her to go Home to be with Him. It was so hard for me, who's heart was breaking, to see my girls sobbing over the impending loss of their Great-Grandmother. I tried to explain that Grandma would be dancing with Jesus - she wouldn't need her wheelchair anymore. I explained that Grandma wouldn't need the machines to breathe for her - her lungs would work perfectly. She wouldn't be in pain anymore, there would be only joy. I told Kaitlyn that Grandma was going to get to watch her baptism, sitting next to Jesus!

So, through the heart break, there is joy, there is peace, there is comfort, there are the arms of God surrounding me and my family saying "I know, I've been there, my heart has been broken, I'm here, trust Me, rely on Me."

Her last wish she spoke to her grandchildren -- "I want to see you in Heaven with me."

She leaves behind an amazing legacy. She was an extrodinary woman, one I will always admire, always strive to become. She was a woman who loved the Lord with EVERYTHING in her...and wasn't afraid to make it known to the world! She was a woman who loved her family and whose deepest desire was that they all come to know the Lord she loved so much.

She will be deeply missed. But, the words to the song 'Give me Jesus' say it all:

And when I come to die

And when I come to die

And when I come to die, Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus

You can have all this world

But, GIVE ME JESUS!!

Dance with Jesus Grandma, I'll see you there!!!

UPDATE - AUGUST 22, 2009:

Grandma went home to be with Jesus last night at 11:23pm. While there is joy and peace knowing she is no longer suffering and at home with Jesus, there is great sadness. Her joy has been made complete and she is dancing with Jesus today. Please be praying for the family during this time.