There are no words...

I've been trying to come up with a way to describe what the last 4 days have been like for me...I just don't think there IS a way...there are no words.

On Thursday morning I got up to head to the airport for my flight to Michigan.  Now, some of you know how TERRIFIED I am of flying, but most of you probably don't!  It is a completely irrational, yet rational fear!  There is a definite reason FOR the fear, yet the responses my body goes through TO the fear are irrational at best!  :)

Anyway, I boarded my plane and headed to Michigan.  Why?  Why would I 'face my fear' and fly to Michigan?  Because that is where my Grandfather is, who I call PapPap.  He is in Michigan and he is dying.  That is what got me on a plane.  In January of this year he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  The cancer had taken over his body so completely that doctors can't even tell us what kind it is!  They sent him home with the diagnosis and hospice.

Over the past couple of weeks things have gone downhill, rather quickly in my opinion, so much so that I had to make a decision - to go and say good-bye, or not.  A decision I really wrestled with.  But, after a lot of prayer and guidance from my amazing husband, I decided the only decision I would regret was NOT going!

I have been getting updates from my Mom so I knew the 'condition' he was in, so I began to mentally prepare myself that the man I was going to see was not going to be the one I 'knew.'  I knew it was going to be hard, but there is nothing that could have prepared me for just how HARD it would be!

It is painfully obvious that PapPap's time left on earth is very short.  That pains my heart to think about.  I've shared about grief on this blog before, when my nephew passed away I spoke of the physical pain that comes, and that pain came flooding back with a vengeance!

I had some wonderful moments sitting and talking to him, caring for him, meeting some of the amazing people that care for him daily - wonderful moments I will remember for the rest of my life.

I was able to have a very special moment - just the two of us - it was what I prayed for, I asked God to give me that opportunity and I will be forever grateful that God answered that prayer!  We shared a God moment - you could feel Jesus in the room.  Again, a moment I will NEVER forget!

There are just no words to describe what I'm feeling - no words to describe how much this man of God means to me and my family - no words to describe how grateful I am that he is going to see Jesus soon...there are no words - there are only tears.