One Year - Part Two

This is a post I wrote one year ago. It's amazing how it can still be so poignant today - as we wait for PapPap's passing...I am once again between the 'SHOULD NOTs' and the 'AND YETs'!

Somewhere between the 'SHOULD NOTs' and the 'AND YETs':

When you are in the middle of a family crisis, there are things you just do because they are necessary. There are actions you take because it's the only way you can cope with what's going on. Once the initial crisis is over, then come the reflections on what has just taken place.
Here are some of my thoughts about what has transpired in the last week.

1. Little boys should not lose their baby brothers before they've ever had the chance to truly meet them.
2. Little boys should not have to deal with the overwhelming grief that comes from such a loss.
3. Mothers and Fathers should not have to bury children.
4. Caskets should not be that tiny.
5. Those of us that have been around for years, can we say we've had the same impact on those around us as Zachary did in the 20 days he was on this earth?
6. NICU doctors and nurses are God's hands and feet on earth! For without them Zachary would not have had DAYS!
7. My Sister in law is the STRONGEST woman I know!
8. Children grieve much like adults do, yet children will actually tell you what they REALLY think about it!
9. This one I already knew, but truly SAW for the first time. God has a unique purpose and plan for each and every one of us - whether we have 20 days or 20 years, when that purpose is complete He calls us home and says, 'Well Done, my good and faithful servant!'
10. Mothers should not have only a few pictures left to remind them of their precious baby - they should have albums full.
11. Grandmas and Grandpas should be able to hold and love their grandchildren, not bury them before they ever laid eyes on them.
12. Grandpas should not have to carry the tiny casket of their grandson.

Through this though, I keep coming back to the word, yet. In my heart I cry out to God and tell him all of these 'should nots' and then my heart says, 'AND YET!' My heart can't help but spill out all of the ways God is good; all of the ways God is faithful; all of the ways God is with us...The 'SHOULD NOTs' will always be there, but we better be ready with the 'AND YETs' to counter them or we will be at risk of going down that slippery slope that leads to despair, distrust, and ultimately disbelief.
God can handle our yelling! He can handle our grief, He can take it. He knows we feel it, might as well get it out! But, what He can not handle and will not tolerate is if in that grief we turn our backs on Him in sin. That's where He draws the line.
One of the scriptures read on the day we buried Zachary was..."Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. Job 1:21-22
So, here I am between the 'SHOULD NOTs' and the 'AND YETs.' Even here, God IS!
This song from Anthony Evans sums up what I'm feeling:
Beauty rises from the ashes
Sorrow turns to gladness when our God is near

You speak light into our darkness

You heal the broken hearted

You wipe away our tears
You're amazing God
You're amazing God

You can bear the weight of every heavy heart

You can heal the pain, you can clean the stain

You can turn our tears into songs of praise

You're amazing God