Are you willing??

There is a line in a song (one I love!) that says, ‘I will weep when you are weeping, when you laugh, I’ll laugh with you.’  What a great line that is.  I think that truly personifies what life together in Christ should be about.  We not only share in the good times, but the bad times as well.  As I’ve walked through the death of 3 family members in the last 2 ½ years I’ve learned that we are far better at the laughing part than the weeping. 

It’s easy to celebrate with someone – to come along side and rejoice with them.  It doesn’t take too much out of us; it doesn’t cost us anything; it isn’t uncomfortable.  But, then you come to the weeping part and we stop ourselves.  We’ll only go ‘so far’ into the pain of another.  It costs us time to come along side someone who’s hurting.  It can also cause us pain- brings up pain from our own past.  It can be uncomfortable too – we don’t want to get too involved or too close.

Is that the way it should be?  I don’t think so.  God’s design is different.  That is why you read in the scriptures:  bear with one another, love one another, encourage one another, spur on one another, greet one another, fellowship with one another, be compassionate to one another, serve one another, and the list could go on.  It doesn’t say ‘in good times only!’  These are not statements either, they are commands.  I believe God’s design is for us to be this kind of people – no matter the circumstances, but perhaps, we need to be this kind of people especially when times are tough.  Galatians 2:6 says it clear as day:  Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  WOW!  It doesn’t get any clearer than that!

Why is this on my mind??  I’m going to speak from the heart, bear with me.  Three of my family members have passed away recently, for the 3 of them the grief has been different for me…each time it has gotten harder.  The first was my Grandmother.  I was heartsick when she passed away, but my grief was surrounded by joy as she had ALS and I knew God spared her from what would be a potentially horrendous death.  I grieved, but it was ok.  The second was my nephew, Zachary.  He was born prematurely and died less than 2 weeks after birth.  In my grief I was questioning – how, why, but still resolved in my faith – God can handle my questions!!  The most recent was my PapPap.  The grief surprised me; it knocked my feet out from under me.  I shared my feelings around it and what God was/is showing me on my blog, but almost 4 months later, I am still in the middle of this grief.  Each time though I noticed something, something that has made me VERY aware of others around me.  In the first few days, everyone is telling you how sorry they are, they are asking how you are doing.  Some will send cards, others will send e-mails.  People are ‘sharing the burden.’  Then something happens about 1 to 2 weeks later…all of that is gone.   There is nothing.  People move on and I think they expect you have moved on as well…or SHOULD move on!  There are no more phone calls, e-mails, cards.  No one is asking how you are doing; people just go about their lives, expecting you have done the same.  Well, that’s not how grief works!  What people forget is that for the one grieving, their life will NEVER be the same.  N E V E R!  The person they lost is never coming back.  So, here’s what happens – every event, every family function, every holiday, birthday, you name it – is a reminder that their life will never be the same.  For example:  This June Father’s day rolled around, as it always does.  There I was in the card aisle BAWLING because I had one less card to buy this year.  July 1^st rolled around, my PapPap’s birthday, there was no one to call – no one to send a card to. Family activities come – weddings, there’s no PapPap in the pictures, family camp is coming up – my kids won’t get to go fishing with PapPap – there will be no more pictures.  Holidays come – PapPap will not be at Thanksmas this year.  Even the pictures/memories you have are hard – there are days I can’t look at them, it hurts too much.  Everything has changed.   Nothing will ever be the same.  Life for the world around the one grieving has moved on and they are stuck on a deserted island called GRIEF.   Do I think this happens on purpose, NO!  Life happens.  We get caught up in what is going on in our own lives that we don’t even think about others.  It’s not malicious or purposeful; it’s just what happens…UNLESS we decide to live out the life Christ has called us to!

Now, I am NOT alone here on the island.  GOD IS HERE.  He is comforting me in the midst of this grief that has completely blindsided me.  I am learning things on the island.  But, at the same time, you have NO IDEA what it means to someone going through grief to know the people around them haven’t forgotten about them!

So, why am I writing this???  It’s just a reminder.  If things in your life are going good – that’s awesome, I celebrate with you!  But, just remember, there are those around you who need someone to come and help bear a burden, who need encouragement, compassion, who just need to have someone ask ‘how are you?’ and mean it!  I firmly believe that is when the church is being the Church!  It’s not enough to just laugh when you are laughing.  We need to be ready to weep!  Are you willing?

Questions to ask:  Who do I need to come along side?  Is there someone God is calling me to help carry a burden?  How can I celebrate with someone who is celebrating?  How can I fully be the person God has created me to be, one who thinks of others before themselves?  How do I, through the power of the Holy Spirit, live out Galatians 2:6?